Thanks from Sister Mat

I went to the Assumption Sabbath Place in Baguio City for a one month Renewal Retreat last June 10, 2008

On the second week of my retreat there, arrived a healer in the name of
Claudine. There was an inner desire in me…a wish to have the chance to talk to her. The Lord did not leave my desires unattended. The desire was fulfilled, through my retreat mistress Sr. Isa, who was very sensitive to my needs and desires. She arranged that Claudine and me meet.

Before we went into the healing session, she told me to take off my habit (that is my religious uniform). By the way, I am a Poor Clare Nun for 31 years. Ever since I entered I have not removed my habit so there was an inner struggle whether to give in or not to her suggestion. But since my purpose in coming up to Baguio was to grow spiritually and to know myself better, I convinced myself to give in to the suggestion in order to meet my purpose. Good enough, I brought some jogging pants and t-shirts for my inner garments supposedly if I could not bear the coldness of the place as I was advised by some of my friends as I prepared to go to Baguio.

We had the first healing session. She explained to me that it would take two (2) hours for one session. I was told to lie down on the bed. She asked me my favorite color of which I answered green and blue. She even asked of the shade, which she interpreted as calm and peace. Meditative music was on. I was in a very comfortable position. I observed and listened to her attentively and meditatively as she drew me to a positive outlook of life…positive energies that penetrate into every part of my body. The session lasted two hours and I felt light after. I looked forward to the next session. But before we parted, she told me that she felt very heavy when she reached my chest area, as if there is something blocking. Upon hearing this, I was reminded of an incident wherein a doctor diagnosed me of a heart failure some seven years ago and prescribed me to take medications for maintenance. I took the medicine for a year then I stopped. I thought that this was a confirmation that I really had heart disease. I remained calm and continued to reflect on the goodness of the Lord I am experiencing for the moment. I slowly whispered to myself, “Let His will be done.”

The next session came. Since this is the second time there is already somewhat an orientation of the session and an acquaintance between Claudine and me. The music was on. The breathing this time is synchronized between the two of us and there was focus. In short, we went to the healing session proper right away.

This time when Claudine reached the part of my breast, she stopped, faced me and said, “Sr. Matt, I’ll ask you a question. This is something personal. Tapatin mo ako…Are you in love?” On my part, I was shocked into silence and said to myself, “What a question. What is the connection?” She breathed deeply and said I really feel heavy. With her gesture, I was touched. I pitied her and I managed to smile at her. I had mixed feelings whether to tell her the truth or not. At last, I honestly said yes with a smile and hesitancy. My thoughts clearly went back to the time when I was in love with a guy and as I recalled, I felt light sharing with her. I am convinced the Holy Spirit inspired and enlightened both of us.
While sharing, the heaviness I felt became light as if thorns were slowly uprooted from my chest. That was my sacred moment of Grace. God manifested and revealed to me His great love through Claudine. I was belittled yet I should cooperate with His grace in order for me to grow. I have to accept my limitations and my weaknesses in order for me to let go of the deep anger enveloping my personality for quite some time now, to the point that it affected my relationships especially with the sisters in the community and most of all my health. Now with this simple and honest acceptance of my weakness, I glory God in my life. I am now free to enjoy life to the fullest. I have freedom to live.

Knowing what I had been holding within myself all these years made me feel lonely. I had been holding on to all these rotten feelings and attitudes. Even though it seems late for me to have known these things, I still go forward and make best use of myself while there is still time. God knows what is best for me so I surrender myself fully to him. “Let God work in me, let His grace be sufficient in me,” as St. Paul said.

My gratitude goes to my retreat mistress who was the springboard to have Claudine help me see and hit the core of my weakness.

To you Claudine, since you are the youngest who came to the Assumption Sabbath Place and you are younger than me, I call you “bunso.” It’s my way of expressing my love and respect to you. I love you and I enjoyed your company and for having journeyed with you. I look forward to our next sessions.

May God in all His goodness continue to shower all His blessings and graces upon you and all your loved ones as you continue your great apostolate to establish the kingdom of God here on earth. May God reward you abundantly. I remember you always in my prayers.

In J.M.J.F.C.

Sr. Mary Matthew Fabillar, OSC